Lie lie lie.

Ive made my decision to stop liking you , to stop having any kind of feelings for you and just being done with you.

Ive decided to stop calling you, stop texting you and stop wishing my phone will be receiving anything from you, although it really hurts and my heart skips a beat when my phone rings and hoping its you.

Im trying to live my life without having you around. Studying without you. Going out without you. Trying to have fun without you. Trying to not to think about you. Trying not to think how fun this will be if u were around.

How do i go on? I know its possible but its freaking hurts. Im so used to have you around. And now, everything is different. I felt like there's a huge hole, some kind of emptiness in my heart, in my life.

Bullshit if i say i dont have any feelings for you, after what had happened. Even though you see me being all tough and strong but deep down inside, im broken, broken into pieces. Faking smiles every day. Faking laughs everyday. Im living in a huge lie right now.

I have a small feeling in my heart, telling me 'come on ili, give him another chance'. Oh how much i want to do that but i have to protect myself now. I have to think about me, now. Being with you, it gave me such happiness that i couldn't describe. Also at the same time, killing me slowly because i know u don't feel the same way as i do. I am chasing someone that is chasing another girl. How pathetic is that? How pathetic am i?

Paranoid Again

I dont know why
Sometimes, in random days,
I woke up, and my mood is all BAD and NEGATIVE.
Really reaaaally negative energy all over me, 
Ill get mad at the people around me.
Poor them, being the victim of my cruel cruel actions.
Im sorry :(


I dont know why,
If i went out with my friends,
It took me some time to cheer up and be crazy.
And there are times ill be quiet,
Cranky and just MOODY.
Then ill be cheerful back again.
Its weird, i really dont know why.


But I do know why,
When i go out with him,
Im always in my best-est mood,
But when i know the day comes to an end,
When it comes to the "goodbye" part,
Ill be moody and cranky a few minutes beforehand.
This, i can understand.
But the others, i just cant.


I feel like im a party killer.
Me with my mood swings, 
Like pushing people and cause them to flew away
So very very far away.


I sometimes feels like, some of my friends dont fond for me.
They rather not invite me to hang out with them
Or join their parties.
Or am i just being paranoid? I DONT KNOW.


Why am i being paranoid?
I REALLY DONT KNOW.
I have such good friends.
Good lovely caring friends.
AWESOME and loving family.

miss miss

I miss you!




Come home quick pleaaaseeeeee  =D

:D

AWAK,

Take care! Have fun!
I will not be seeing or contacting you for a few days!
BOO. Haha.
Stay safe okay.
Please God, take gooooood care of him :) 

TOMOI!

25th June 2011


The date that i will remember all my life.


We've planned to go and watch Muy Thai or how do u spell it at Titiwangsa Stadium.
So he picked me up around 6.30 and off we go. 
Then we arrived at the Tasik Titiwangsa and was anxious to watch the game.


I have this picture in my head taking pictures with the bloody boxers, picturing their tooth flying out 
from their mouth while boxing, blood spraying at our faces while we watch they fight each other.
OMG, super fun! HAHAH. 

So then we've drove around the Tasik to find the very-small-tiny-okay-not-tiny-but-small
stadium. He asked the guard there if there is any tix still available,
and the HUNKY guard said OH BANYAK LAGII.


And so we went to petronas to pray and drove back in. Since we both know there wont be
any parking lot near the stadium, so we parked near the entrance. And decided to walk.
He asked the guy selling some food there on how to get to the stadium and he said , GO THERE AND WALK FOR AROUND 15 MINS, YOU'LL FIND IT BY THEN. And so we walked.
And walked, and walked.
HOMAIGOD, almost each and every one bench at the Tasik, 
couples tengah beerendek. HAHAHAHAHA :O


Okaaaayyy then we walked for like 30 45 minutes and we gave up. 
We're lost and he was like "I HAVE NO MORE MOOD FOR TOMOI".
And i was super hungry. So we've decided to go for dinner instead.
After some walking, AT LAST we found the stadium and it was packed with,well, mostly were KELANTANESE  people. Still, because of the time wasted and i have to go home early,
so we just went back to our car. 


When we're about to get to out car, it turns out the stadium was like YA-ALLAH-SUPER-DUPER-LUPER-NUPER-NEARRRRR to our parking lot. 
OMG. OMG. OMG.
Stupid pakcik gave us the wrong direction!! 
He was like moody cause he's all sweating and tired.
So HAHA bo hoo, we drove back home. Haih. 


In the car, the only way to prevent me from crying was just to LAUGH OUT LOUD for whatever had happened. Then he asked, KENAPA GELAK? I said, this was a , hmm, CRAZY experience. Hahha
So yeah, that was what had happened on the 25th of July 2011.
The date i will remember, always :)

Hope there will be another TOMOI that he and i can watch together later on :D

DR LOVE :B

I dont know why but im like PRETTY GOOD in giving people advises on LOVE.
But as usual, me myself SUCK at it! Hahah. Here are some of my friends problem
that they shared with me. I want to share it with the world cause sometimes, we
are blinded when we love someone and we just need to SHAKE the person 
so that she/he will come back to his/her consciousness! haha


First Case.
I cant reveal any names here cause im bounded by confidentiality. Haha 
He's my good good friend from UiTM and somehow, he always get this
nasty-ass-problematic girls, and i PITY him cause he is SUPER DUPER 
SWEET and kind and funny and caring and smart and cute and.. okay this list 
can go on and on and on. But you get my point, he is AWESOME! 


Here are my theories :
1. Try your hardest to get whatever that you want
2. Dont push it too hard cause you will annoy her
3. Dont ever make assumptions that she knows what or how u feels
4. Better if you just go up front and tell the girl I LIKE U. But in a subtle way of course.
5. This is the last resort. When you think there is no more chance, 
    and you feels like putting your white flags up,
    just do whatever you want to do and say what you want to say. 
   You've got nothing to lose. Just do it and get it over with.  


My ultimate advice, TRY your best and i know u know what u should do :) 


Second case
You love your boyfiee and its been 9 amazing awesome months together.
Suddenly one day you found out your amazing boifee have another girlfee.
You were heart broken, u were damaged, you've cried a river and 
all-those-sad-i-want-to-kill-myself-shit for a few months.
Now a new guy is coming into your life and also your ex boyfiee wants you back.
The thing is, your ex boyfiee is still with his current girlfiee, WTH RIGHT?
He've been giving all this sweet promises saying that "i will leave my gf for you"
shit. And this new guy is super sweet and adorable, but you just met him.


What should you do?
OMG THIS IS SUPER EASY!
1. Cant you see ur ex boyfiee is doing the same thing, but to another person??
2. There is like a 100000 % chance he will do the same thing, again, to you.
3. Give this new dude a chance, women! 
4. LET THE BEST MEN WINS! Its a fair chance, fair game :)


My ultimate advice, YES love is blind but loving someone is up to certain limits people!

Its true :)

Oh how i wished for my phone to sing YOU GOT ME right now.
I miss u, very much. Its only been a few days since we've last met 
but somehow, i really misses u. Boo ily! haha


I just felt something the other day, when we talked on the phone,
i get this weird-happy-awesome feeling,
that people called ANGAW. haha. Boo ily, again! ahah


I dont know what to do,
sometimes im just scared that i like u a little too much,
and its not flowing both ways. Do you got me?
Its kind of hard to explain, but that is what i felt.
But what i do know is i DO REALLY LIKE U.


Love? 
What is love? How do you differentiate between 
liking someone and loving someone?
Is it when i cant find words to express my feelings?
Or when he did something, and i felt like im flying?
Or in some crazy unthinkable impossible way, when im with you, i feel 
like the time is moving very slow and fast at the same time?
Its inane but its true.
Its undefinable but its true.
Its absurd but ITS TRUE ;D

                
                                                   i miss u i miss u i miss u!

Im happy :)

Hai hai hai hai haiiii.
OMG its been soooo long i didnt update my blog.
i miss u bloggy! haha
oh well, right now my life is super busy.
there is like A LOT OF THINGS to do and SO LITTLE TIME! DAMNN! haha

For my studies
My finals is around the corner 
My studies, hmm, im working very very hard 
Hoping to pass my exams
I will have to strive for my rights
And i wont let them take away my precious 6 months!
And my precious money! haha
Ive passed my Audit trials, ALHAMDULILLAH! :)
But for p1, i didnt get my results yet, but most of my classmates failed, so i think im one of them also. hhoho


For my relationships
Right now, honestly, im loving everything that is happening
Though its a bit messy but what the hell, 
It makes my life a bit more interesting. ahhaha
But i do miss my SUBANG FRIENDS!
Leen Neddy Intan Meor Mansoor Megat Ammar Iqa Dollah Wan Faraheen Aini Hanan Auji Hamidah Tusa Nadia and the list can go on and on and on. 
I miss u guys superrrrrrrr much! 
But im so busy and i cant find time to lepak with you guys.
Gosh i miss the school days! :)


About him, for the time being, its good, Alhamdulilah. :D
After the 2 weeks of crazy-sad-dull -edgy-emotional-chaotic conditions,
And after the whole conversation and heart to heat talk and all the things that happened,
Its turns out, hmm, quite good, i think.
I was paranoid so I was expecting the worst,actually. haha.
He gave me full information about what really happened and clear things out.
Im happy with that, I just need some clear explanation from him.
Im happier now, i can sleep peacefully, thankx awak :D


My parents just bought me BB! YAY! haha
Ive been waiting for this for a loooong time. 
AT LAST! YAY MEE :))
Hehe, its my new fav item!
No doubt,The BEST phone i ever had.
Its white, OMG!  :)
I love BBM cause its free!
I love WHATS APP cause its also free!
I love cause i can download free games and currently im addicted to BUBBLE BREAKERS! ahah
I love cause i can easily access to FACEBOOK.
I just love it :)
Love love love itttt :D

We Can Only Plan.

See how things work in life.
U got the power to make a choice.
What u want to do today.
What are your plans.
Where u want to go.
But everything turns out wrong today.
Even though I've planned for today, but not one turns out right.
I've woke up early, with the intention to go and study before my class started at 2.
I quickly packed up my clothes and books.
Then Mama asked me to drop her at Prade to change Mohd's jeans.
Me, Adam and Mama went there around 11. 
Turns out, the shop is not yet open. DAMN. 
We've waited until 11.15, still not open.
Mama decided to go again later evening.
And she said, lets go and check your car.
My baby Gen2 is making weird noises. 
So we went there and turns out my there's some problem with my MOTOR FAN.
He said i cant drive my baby Gen2 for far distance. 
Ive asked, Shah Alam? He said, better not. 
DAMN DAMN DAMN. 
So Abg Apai just called Kumar to pick up my car and send it for repair for the total of RM580!
OMG.Nearly half a thousand just flew away like that, in a blink of an eye.
Thats why we need to save our money! Haha.
So now, Im waiting for Thina to pick me up and we are going to Uitm together.
Thank God she's still in Subang.
See people.
We humans can only plan.
But what really happen in our life, its HIS decision.
All we can do is be patient
Accept the fate.
Be happy with it.
Hhaha.

Paranoid!

Have u ever had the feeling
The feeling when u no longer like someone
When everything she does , is just wrong
Everything that she does , u felt annoyed
Even the smallest thing , that had never thought would be a problem , u felt like its a huge problem .
Im scared of that.
That's what i felt when i no longer have feelings for someone.
And now i felt like someone is doing all these things to me.
Or am i just being paranoid? 
Im not so sure.
But what i do know is, now its different.
Its totally different, i can feel it.
Whats wrong? 
What went wrong?
Have i done something that bother's u?
Or am i suffocating u? 

BEL 313?!

So many things happened recently and i just dont know where to begin. What i do know right now is that i HATE BEL 313. Why on earth do we have to take that subject? I have no idea! It has nothing to do with our life, for god sake!


I really really hate BEL but i got to be patient and just go with it. The main problem that i have with that subject is MAINLY the lecturer. Maybe its because its her first time being a lecturer, she's treating us like we are some kind of high school kids! OMG. It freaking inane! We are 21 years old. Yes, we are old enough to make our own decision and live the way we live.


Now im even scared to go to the loo's and wondering if i have to ask for her permission. We cant eat in class, we cant talk, she's just, haih, i cant explain what i feel. Every time i entered the class, in the morning in fact, before going to the class, ill ensure that there's nothing else is the morning is gonna ruin my mood. Avoiding all the PAK GUARDS in Menara and so i park at Seroja and i have to walk all the way up the TONGGEK hill which is LIKE HELL! 


I love learning English, but i think ive had enough when i went to Cambridge. Mind some of my grammar mistakes, thats just because its been super long i haven't write a long full English essay. Other than Audit subject where mostly are the facts that we have to talk about. Haha. Oh and the other thing is, im not good working with other people. 


You see, i think im the bossy type. Some say its good characteristic but some say its ANNOYING! I know, im sorry but thats just me. Haha. So, Bel is the only subject we have group work, and its hard. I dont like and dont know how to work with other people. I rather do it all by myself, but of course, with the help of my friends. The idea of segregating duties to teammates is just hard. Oh well, its good actually, for me especially  because i can learn how to deal and work WITH people. HAHA.


Now we are going to have a debate, YAY! I love talking and craping in front of the class! Haha. Thats the only thing im looking forward too! Hee. Hope for the best for my team! Hope everything will turns out GREAT! ;D

Perasaan Saya

Kadang-kadang awak ada.
Kadang-kadang awak tak ada.


Kadang-kadang awak suka
Kadang-kadang awak tak ada perasaan lagsung


Kadang-kadang awak nak
Kadang-kadang awak sendiri pun tak tahu awak nak ke tak


Kadang-kadang saya rasa macam nak berhenti
Kadang-kadang saya nak sangat teruskan


Awak suka buat saya macam ini
Terkapai-kapai dalam air
Macam main tarik tali
Kejap nak kejap tak nak
Tapi kenapa saya degil sangat
Tak reti nak berhenti
Dan lepaskan segalanya?


Dah terbiasa dengan keadaan dulu
Bila tak ada,
Rasa pelik
Bila jumpa
Pun rasa pelik
Perangai semacam
Masing-masing buat hal sendiri
Macam tak pernah kenal


Sakit hati?
Tak payah cakap
Bila terfikir
Jantung berdegup laju
Geram?
Sakit hati?
Menyampah?
Apa sebab pun saya tak tahu


Menyesal?
Entah. Saya pun tengah fikir
Saya menyesal ke?
Saya menyesal ke?
Kenal dia, tak.
Tindakan saya, ya.
Kenangan dengan dia, tak.


Kalau saya tak melakukan apa yang saya lakukan,
Kita mungkin akan lebih gembira
Saya lebih gembira
Sebab tak rasa macam saya "beban" awak
Sebab tak perlu letak harapan kat awak
Sebab saya tak kan jadi macam ni
Macam orang bodoh
Kejar benda yang macam tak boleh kecapi
Lagi susah lagi nak
Lagi orang kata jangan, lagi nak buat


Nak buat macam mana?
Hmm.

Dissapointment

I was thinking. I always put hope on people. When im close to someone, I thought I can rely on that person. But how does that works if you are the only one that felt you are close with that person?           

Im  done with putting hope on people. On my best friends, or people that I thought they are my best friends, can sometime be disappointing. I was hoping for something but they couldn’t care less. Am I invisible here? Or am I just not that worth it to be appreciated? 

I want to just disappear, sometimes. Wanting to just shut down and hope that I am invisible so that people wont notice me and so they wont come and talk to me. Running away from people. Running away from all of my problems. Just run far far away and im sure people wont even notice im gone.

The disappointment that I felt is really killing me. It kills my mood of, it kills my day throughout. I once think to myself, to not put hope on anyone, friends, close friends, families, everyone. The result is always the same and im the one that’s hurt and they didn’t even notice that they are killing me, inside. 

:)

Thinking of you
by Sarah

You're the first thing I think of
Each morning when I rise
You're the last thing I think of
When I close my eyes

You're in each thought I have
And every breath I take
My feelings are growing stronger
With every move you make

You're an angel from above
who takes away my pain
My love for you is so strong
It's always just the same

You're the miracle in my life
Who can always make me smile
Just knowing that you care
Makes my life worth-while

You've touched my heart and soul
Which you have from the start
Your warm soft words
Will never leave my heart

You are everything I want
You're so pure and true
I love you with everything I have
And I love everything that you do.

No backbone?

Give me your opinion

Because i really need one

Some people are so insecure

Of their own man

Scared that ill take him away from you?

Clearly, you dont know me

That is the most stupidest statement ive ever heard

I am a good friend to him

I think and hope so

I guess some friendship are worth to let go

For a relationship that makes he thinks that is worth it

Does that make sense?  

I pity the girl

Feeling all insecure all the time

Having to put a spy on his guy

Just to ensure that his guy is not cheating on her

And the guy just accept it

I also pity the guy

Dont you have a backbone?

You really have to follow what your girl said?

You really just gonna sit and stare

While she's destroying our friendship

That we had build all these years

I guess i wasnt that worth it

To fight for

Just be one

You said you want us to be friends.
Just friends.
So be one.
Dont act more. 
Dont act less.
Just be a friend.
Dont make me feel that there's hope.
Hope for us being together.
Cause its freaking hurt.
Freaking hurt to put hope on you.
And you without even realizing.
Breaking my small fragile heart.
And together with my stupidity.
Unable to let you go.
Its killing myself slowly.
Without me realizing it.

Oh My

Oh moon,
Oh my beautiful lovely moon,
Will you accompany me tonight?
This gloomy and lonely night

Oh sun,
Oh my shining brightly sun,
Will you promise,
To keep on shining,
So to lead me to the right way?


Oh beach,
Oh my windy and clam beach,
Will you always be there,
Whenever i want to run away,
From all the world madness?

Kata Mereka

Bak kata Zetty,
Bila awak suka seseorang,
Semua yang dia tak buat,
Nampak macam dia buat,
Walaupun dia sebenarnya tak buat apa apa.

dan

Bila awak suka seseorang,
Semua yang dia buat,
Nampak macam dia telah buat sesuatu yang sangat besar,
Dan sangat bermakna,
Walaupun dia cuma bernafas di muka bumi ini.

dan

Bila awak suka seseorang,
Awak akan selalu nak tengok phone awak,
Tengok kalau kalau dia ada text atau call awak,
Bila dia ada call atau text,
Jantung awak akan berdegup laju.

kenapa?

kenapa ini semua berlaku?
nak tahu kenapa?
Sebab bila kita suka seseorang
Perasaan suka tu sangat lah kuat
Sangat kuat,
Sampai kadang kadang awak sendiri pun hairan kenapa la sampai macam ni.

tapi

Tapi ingat,
Sayang mana pun, jangan sayang sangat.
Sebab satu hari nanti kita akan kehilangannya.

sayang?

Sayang sepenuhnya lebih baik kepada Allah.
Kerana Dia yang membuatkan hidup kita lebih bermakna.
Kita semua di lahirkan sama.
Dari air mani dan akhirnya di tanam dalam tanah.

tapi

Tapi Allah telah memilih kita,
Dan kita dipilih untuk dilahirkan dalam Islam,
Mempunyai sifat yang sempurna,
Maka dia lah yang layak                                                                                                                                       Layak untuk kita sayang dengan sepenuh hati,bukan? 

Brainless People!

Whats with some of the human beings in this world?
Dont you guys have anything else to do other than talking about other people?
What? 
Your life is so damn FCUKED UP and u are so damn BORED with ur OWN life so you started talking about other people’s and make things up?
What the hell is wrong with u people?! 
GET A LIFE,DUDE!

Gossiping is natural ,i know.
Its something we cant avoid in the not-so-pretty-beautiful-world.
But PLEASE ,im begging you guys.
If u want to gossip ,just try to be a SOPHISTICATED one.
You wanna know how?
Firstly ,BY GETTING YOUR FACTS RIGHT!!
Stupid dumb ass people that gossip about other people and dont even know the right facts. DONT MAKE UP STORIES.
If u really want to, be an author.
Im preeeeety sure u will be a GREAT one!
Stupid brainless inane idiotic!

Do all of us a favor and
Just STOP MAKING UP WHITE PURPLE BLACK LIES about other people!

Guarantee?

Why is it so hard?
Why cant it be easy?
I know no one told me its gonna be easy
But no one said that it could be this hard.

Why am I facing this?
Am i the only one thats feeling this?
What are you trying to do here?

Please tell me my dear
Because i am so tried with all of this
Even though i am enjoying this
But at the same time its painful
Because i have to enjoy it cautiously.
Because there's no guarantee that you will be here with me tomorrow.
Please just stay,will you?

Do it not because of feeling sympathy 
Do it because you want to
Being near to you 
I feel different
It is indefinable 

But what i know is
I want to have that feeling forever
So i will try my best to get you
I know you are a good person

I really hope we have a future together
But if that is not what's the best for us
I have to let my hopeless dream go

But i can assure you
I will try everything
Because that's how i do stuff
I always gets what i want
Even though i cant hold it long enough
But at least im privileged enough just to hold you for a little while.
And thats what im going to do

Friends For Life

I have a number of GOOOOOOD friends 
Its kind of hard when people asked,
Who is ur best friend?
How do i judge them?
Because from what i know,
Best friends DONT judge best friends.
We just accept them for who they are and what they are.
We dont whine about them(well sometimes. Hihi) 
All we have to do is to be grateful to have them as ur best friend.

A true friend never walks out from you when ur in DEEP SHIT.
They will always be there no matter what.
Its normal to fight sometimes,even marriage couple fights.
Well,its up to us on how to handle the matter

A true friend will always listen when you talk.
Sometimes u dont even have to say it,they would understand it them self.
They know u well,ups and downs.
They know when ur hiding something even though u have a BIG FAKE SMILE at ur face.
They know what to do when ur in the OFF mode.

A true friend is who always knows whats best for you.
They'll yell shout and do what they had to do when ur out of the line
And they will pick u back up
And put you back on track.

A true friend is like a kite.
No matter how far or high they flew away,
They will always come back.
Closing one eye on ur weaknesses or ur bad habits.
And just live with it. 

A true friend will always try to keep in touch with u                                                                                        No matter where you are,
They will try to call you or text you.
U'll be in they heart and mind.
Even though you are 10000000000000000000 miles away.

A true friend knows just how to make u happy.
A few words of wisdom from them can change your life
They know just what flavor that u love the most.
And what colour suits you the most.

A true friend will help you when ur car is broken in the middle of the road 
Or will find you if u ever got stuck in the sea.
They will call u in the middle of the night and disturb ur sleep
Just to catch up stories with you.

A true friend will help you to face the truth
No matter how much you hate the fact and how hurt it is
They wil always tell you up front to ur face
Nicely and gently 
And you will accept it slowly.

A true friend will walk with you
They will never walk behind you, scared of may not follow.
They will never walk ahead of u, scared of may not lead.
They will just walk beside you, and get through life together.

A true friend will be the one that you share all ur stories with
They will hear and listen with their full heart.
They will want to succeed together in studies and life.
They are the ones you will turn to If you need anything.
The best part is
you have their TRUST.